Romantic Attachment
Friday, July 12, 2013
How people form an attachment to a romantic partner is one of the
most studied topics in the relational sciences (please note, this
section is adapted from the work of Bowlby, Ainsworth, Shaver, Hazan and
Zeifman's work on attachment theory).
A romantic attachment (also called
pair-bonding) is a deep emotional bond to another individual. The
tendency to form a deep emotional bond to another individual is an
universal feature of human life.
The attachments we form to our romantic
partners are designed to keep people together. When we form an
attachment to a romantic partner – we want to be near that person. And
we tend to feel safe and secure when our partners are around. Overall,
forming an attachment was designed to help create stability.
Not only do we form attachments to our romantic
partners, but the loss of a partner can be devastating. If you are
attached to someone and the relationship comes to an end, the sense of
loss can be overwhelming – including feelings of uncertainty, fear, and
despair.
Humans are designed to form a strong attachment
to a romantic partner because human offspring are born extremely
immature (unable to care for themselves). Individuals who formed a deep
attachment to their sexual partners were better equipped to raise
offspring. And over millions of years of human development, evolution
favored people who formed a deep emotional bond to a sexual partner. As
such, people living today are all the descendants of individuals who
formed an emotional bond to their romantic partners in the past.
Not only are humans designed to form a deep
emotional bond to a sexual partner, but the process by which we do so is
very similar to how infants form a bond to their primary caregivers.
Human infants universally form a deep emotional attachment to the
person who provides the most care (usually a mother). This attachment
is designed to keep infants close to their caregivers, which ultimately
helped ensured an infant's survival. When infants form a deep emotional
attachment to their caregiver – children feel safe and secure. For
infants, attachment figures (caregivers) provide a sense of security and
comfort. When separate from their attachment figure, infants will
stage a protest (crying and screaming) designed to get their caregiver's
attention.
How do infants know who to form an attachment
to?
Infants form an attachment to the caregivers
based on the nature and amount of physical contact they have with
others. Infants form an attachment to the person who provides the most
physical contact – the most kissing, cuddling, caressing, and so on.
And adults do the same when it comes to forming a romantic
attachment.
Adults form a deep emotional attachment based on intimate
physical contact – kissing and cuddling, etc. If you have repeated
intimate contact with another person, you will most likely form a deep
attachment to that person. Once an attachment is formed – people want
to spend more time together, feel safe and secure in each other's
presence, and they will experience loss when the relationship comes to
an end.
Again, romantic attachments are designed to
keep people together because over the course of human evolution people,
who stayed together, had an easier time raising offspring than people
who only came together for the purposes of sex.
While attachments help create stability, there
is a downside.
Attachments are less concerned that you are happy with
your partner and more concerned that you stay together. In fact, many
people form an attachment to someone who they do not like as a person.
It is quiet possible to form a deep bond to someone who is less than an
ideal romantic partner – this happens everyday.
The lesson to be learned?
Be careful about
whom you have repeated intimate contact with – you are likely to form an
attachment to that person. And once an attachment is formed, it can be
very difficult to break.
So, going slow at the start of a relationship,
especially when it comes to sex, is important. It is good to learn as
much as you can about another person before you become heavily
involved. Many relationship problems could be avoided, if people did
not rush into forming an attachment with someone.
Not only are humans designed to form an
attachment to a romantic partner, but there are some important
differences in the types of attachments people form.
4:29 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
(0) comments
The VisualDNA Personality Test
Thursday, July 11, 2013
You’re a Striver Harmonizer
You're outgoing and bright-spirited and really enjoy sharing life with your friends. You're a natural communicator and get a real buzz off social interactions.
You have tons of infectious energy and lots of natural enthusiasm. You set high standards for yourself and others and like to keep your eye on the prize. Resourcefulness is definitely one of your finest strengths. When you get excited about something, you have the confidence and passion to inspire all those around you. Reliable and trustworthy, you seek harmony and balance in your life. You forge strong, long-lasting friendships, and your friends really value your honesty and frank opinions. You may prefer routine and security to lots of new experiences.
It’s all about you...
Right now, you feel a little lost and that life could go one way or the other. This uncertainty can be a positive way of taking a look at what you'd really like to do and making that change...or it could be that you discover you are happy just where you are!
A healthy relationship really is the bedrock of a happy home, but it also takes a lot of energy and commitment to maintain. Make sure that with all the other distractions in life, your love-life doesn't end up at the bottom of the list.
Life's all about options. Allow yourself to be excited by possibility and potential. Try not to push to know "the answer" all the time. There will be lots of twists and turns in life. Rather than wishing away the journey, learn to live in the moment and enjoy every bump in the road! Challenge yourself to try new experiences and live life to the fullest. Remember that you can't be upbeat and outgoing 100 per cent of the time. It's okay to tune out and look inward every now and again. In fact, we positively encourage it! Have you ever written a list of your positive features or asked your friends to do the same? It's a great exercise and it might just surprise you. It's important to learn to trust your intuition and to know that everything will work out for the best. Learn to say yes to new experiences from time to time. Your confidence and self-belief will grow and grow. Sometimes a challenge or a change of scene could be just the thing you need.
You really appreciate the grounding force that a loving relationship can be in your life. For someone like you, it's important to be able to retreat from the world from time to time and know that you can switch off and relax with your one true love.
For you, a loving relationship is very important to feeling empowered to be yourself. You really appreciate having a safe space away from the pressures of everyday life, where you can truly switch off and relax.
Time
You’re getting everything done, so you must be doing something right! But are you reaching your full potential?
You have enough commitment, knowledge and experience to do a great job. It’s important that you continue to learn all the time and challenge yourself enough to keep motivated. There may just be some improvements you can make to help you be more successful.
You enjoy working with others. You are good at identifying problems and delivering fast solutions. You understand the facts, but you might need to consider the feelings of others more often to help you get your point across. Make sure you take time to stop and think, there might be more to a situation than is immediately obvious.
Your awareness of all the different elements involved in a situation means that you are a driving force when it comes to making things happen. But you need the inspiration of others to keep things exciting. Your opinions can seem critical, but they are important. If you are more assertive with them you might be surprised how much it is appreciated.
You could be trying harder, but enthusiasm doesn’t come from thin air, and focusing too much on tasks that you’re not comfortable with can create unnecessary stress. You need to clearly identify the most important tasks so you know what to concentrate on. Discuss with others to make sure you’ve considered everything, but take care not to be overly critical of their suggestions.
A plan can keep you grounded, but don’t be afraid to think outside the box sometimes. Try not to be too quick to reject ideas that seem unusual, change can be refreshing.
When you aren’t in a position to use all of your talents it is not always easy to hold interest, and you’re used to being able to achieve things just through your ability to stay on task. But sometimes that isn’t enough. Don’t overstretch when things are unfamiliar and make sure you give some time to indulging the things you really care about.
Energy
Mornings may not be your favorites time of day. They can be very hectic and it probably feels like you're always running late. Remember to take a moment to focus your energy, so that you're well prepared to face the day ahead.
When you talk about putting fuel in the tank, you mean it literally! Time in the kitchen coming up with great, nutritious meals – either for yourself or friends – is a really healthy way to top up your energy levels while exercising your brain and creative flair too.
Woulda Coulda Shoulda just isn’t in your vocabulary. You’ve learnt that if you want to feel great, you need to take the positive steps yourself. It’s all about valuing yourself enough to take the time to do what’s best for you and your body.
The real key is keeping your energy balanced – no sugar highs or caffeine crashes for you. It's all about having a twinkle in your eye and remembering to embrace every minute of the day.
Love
When you're in love, life somehow just seems easier to handle. Whatever challenges you face, you're in it together and that's all that matters.
The physical side of love is essential for you. There's nothing like feeling that strong, deep connection with another person to get your heart racing.
You've got a whole lot of love to give. You like to jump in feet first and lavish a partner with romantic gestures. You have strong instincts and a good understanding of who you are and what you want from life. You like to follow your dreams and believe in happy endings.
You are very expressive and like a relationship to be very open and honest without needing to hold back on showing your partner how much you love them. It’s all about immersing yourself in the fairy tale feelings of being in love. For you, it’s the little things that make being in love so special. A sunset stroll on a beach, holding hands at the movies, just feeling protected and cared for.
So, what tips can we give to you?
- You are naturally warm and trusting and enjoy sharing your love. You have a midas touch when it comes to setting the romantic tone, so do what you do best and express your inner romantic.
- Open your heart. Don’t overthink things or be too much of a perfectionist. The strongest connections are founded on spiritual intimacy.
- Remember it's the little things that count!
Money
Ultimately you have a very healthy approach to life. You know that true happiness doesn't come from material things or possessions. It goes much deeper than that and is all about valuing those things that you can't put a price on. You like to care for those around you and if they're happy, you're happy. You appreciate that both highs and lows make up the balance of life, and always try and stay spiritually strong and focused.
Every so often it's good to treat yourself to a shot of culture, whether you're watching from the front row or jumping in yourself.
You love to challenge yourself and experience something that's as far away from every day life as possible. Big adventures come with a big price tag, so it’s important to plan how you’re going to save all that money as well as how to spend it!
When things don't go right it can be all too easy to look inside for the cause, but it's much more useful to look for the solution. And the sooner you get back on track, the more stable and confident you’ll feel.
Fun
Sophisticated and inquisitive, you have a real passion for art and culture. You believe in immersing yourself in interesting experiences that make you look at people, places and opportunities from new angles. Being sensitive and creative, you want to feel connected to the world around you and actively seek out opportunities to explore it. It’s all about broadening your horizons and living life to the full. Anything else would not fulfill your curious nature.
You have a wonderfully vivid imagination, so the escapism of the silver screen is perfect for you. Whether it's the latest blockbuster or a quirky art house offering, you love a night at the movies.
Opportunities don’t sit there waiting for you every morning. You have to go out and find them. In fact they can be in some pretty unexpected places, so don’t get too set in your ways in case you miss them.
Whatever you do, it’s good to connect with like-minded people. It’s unlikely that the people who enjoy the same things as you live next door, but it is likely that they’ll be members of a club or website. Try reaching out online or signing up for a group activity. Who knows – maybe they do live next door after all.
Find the thing that drives you more than anything else and pursue that. And if your passion is short lived, then accept when it’s over and move on to something new. Your only obligation is to yourself.
At the end of the day, you're a true emotional spirit and you make really strong connections and friendships. Good buddies and lots of laughs are the recipe for happy days.
6:50 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
(0) comments
Romantic Attachment
Friday, July 12, 2013
How people form an attachment to a romantic partner is one of the
most studied topics in the relational sciences (please note, this
section is adapted from the work of Bowlby, Ainsworth, Shaver, Hazan and
Zeifman's work on attachment theory).
A romantic attachment (also called
pair-bonding) is a deep emotional bond to another individual. The
tendency to form a deep emotional bond to another individual is an
universal feature of human life.
The attachments we form to our romantic
partners are designed to keep people together. When we form an
attachment to a romantic partner – we want to be near that person. And
we tend to feel safe and secure when our partners are around. Overall,
forming an attachment was designed to help create stability.
Not only do we form attachments to our romantic
partners, but the loss of a partner can be devastating. If you are
attached to someone and the relationship comes to an end, the sense of
loss can be overwhelming – including feelings of uncertainty, fear, and
despair.
Humans are designed to form a strong attachment
to a romantic partner because human offspring are born extremely
immature (unable to care for themselves). Individuals who formed a deep
attachment to their sexual partners were better equipped to raise
offspring. And over millions of years of human development, evolution
favored people who formed a deep emotional bond to a sexual partner. As
such, people living today are all the descendants of individuals who
formed an emotional bond to their romantic partners in the past.
Not only are humans designed to form a deep
emotional bond to a sexual partner, but the process by which we do so is
very similar to how infants form a bond to their primary caregivers.
Human infants universally form a deep emotional attachment to the
person who provides the most care (usually a mother). This attachment
is designed to keep infants close to their caregivers, which ultimately
helped ensured an infant's survival. When infants form a deep emotional
attachment to their caregiver – children feel safe and secure. For
infants, attachment figures (caregivers) provide a sense of security and
comfort. When separate from their attachment figure, infants will
stage a protest (crying and screaming) designed to get their caregiver's
attention.
How do infants know who to form an attachment
to?
Infants form an attachment to the caregivers
based on the nature and amount of physical contact they have with
others. Infants form an attachment to the person who provides the most
physical contact – the most kissing, cuddling, caressing, and so on.
And adults do the same when it comes to forming a romantic
attachment.
Adults form a deep emotional attachment based on intimate
physical contact – kissing and cuddling, etc. If you have repeated
intimate contact with another person, you will most likely form a deep
attachment to that person. Once an attachment is formed – people want
to spend more time together, feel safe and secure in each other's
presence, and they will experience loss when the relationship comes to
an end.
Again, romantic attachments are designed to
keep people together because over the course of human evolution people,
who stayed together, had an easier time raising offspring than people
who only came together for the purposes of sex.
While attachments help create stability, there
is a downside.
Attachments are less concerned that you are happy with
your partner and more concerned that you stay together. In fact, many
people form an attachment to someone who they do not like as a person.
It is quiet possible to form a deep bond to someone who is less than an
ideal romantic partner – this happens everyday.
The lesson to be learned?
Be careful about
whom you have repeated intimate contact with – you are likely to form an
attachment to that person. And once an attachment is formed, it can be
very difficult to break.
So, going slow at the start of a relationship,
especially when it comes to sex, is important. It is good to learn as
much as you can about another person before you become heavily
involved. Many relationship problems could be avoided, if people did
not rush into forming an attachment with someone.
Not only are humans designed to form an
attachment to a romantic partner, but there are some important
differences in the types of attachments people form.
4:29 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
(0) comments
The VisualDNA Personality Test
Thursday, July 11, 2013
You’re a Striver Harmonizer
You're outgoing and bright-spirited and really enjoy sharing life with your friends. You're a natural communicator and get a real buzz off social interactions.
You have tons of infectious energy and lots of natural enthusiasm. You set high standards for yourself and others and like to keep your eye on the prize. Resourcefulness is definitely one of your finest strengths. When you get excited about something, you have the confidence and passion to inspire all those around you. Reliable and trustworthy, you seek harmony and balance in your life. You forge strong, long-lasting friendships, and your friends really value your honesty and frank opinions. You may prefer routine and security to lots of new experiences.
It’s all about you...
Right now, you feel a little lost and that life could go one way or the other. This uncertainty can be a positive way of taking a look at what you'd really like to do and making that change...or it could be that you discover you are happy just where you are!
A healthy relationship really is the bedrock of a happy home, but it also takes a lot of energy and commitment to maintain. Make sure that with all the other distractions in life, your love-life doesn't end up at the bottom of the list.
Life's all about options. Allow yourself to be excited by possibility and potential. Try not to push to know "the answer" all the time. There will be lots of twists and turns in life. Rather than wishing away the journey, learn to live in the moment and enjoy every bump in the road! Challenge yourself to try new experiences and live life to the fullest. Remember that you can't be upbeat and outgoing 100 per cent of the time. It's okay to tune out and look inward every now and again. In fact, we positively encourage it! Have you ever written a list of your positive features or asked your friends to do the same? It's a great exercise and it might just surprise you. It's important to learn to trust your intuition and to know that everything will work out for the best. Learn to say yes to new experiences from time to time. Your confidence and self-belief will grow and grow. Sometimes a challenge or a change of scene could be just the thing you need.
You really appreciate the grounding force that a loving relationship can be in your life. For someone like you, it's important to be able to retreat from the world from time to time and know that you can switch off and relax with your one true love.
For you, a loving relationship is very important to feeling empowered to be yourself. You really appreciate having a safe space away from the pressures of everyday life, where you can truly switch off and relax.
Time
You’re getting everything done, so you must be doing something right! But are you reaching your full potential?
You have enough commitment, knowledge and experience to do a great job. It’s important that you continue to learn all the time and challenge yourself enough to keep motivated. There may just be some improvements you can make to help you be more successful.
You enjoy working with others. You are good at identifying problems and delivering fast solutions. You understand the facts, but you might need to consider the feelings of others more often to help you get your point across. Make sure you take time to stop and think, there might be more to a situation than is immediately obvious.
Your awareness of all the different elements involved in a situation means that you are a driving force when it comes to making things happen. But you need the inspiration of others to keep things exciting. Your opinions can seem critical, but they are important. If you are more assertive with them you might be surprised how much it is appreciated.
You could be trying harder, but enthusiasm doesn’t come from thin air, and focusing too much on tasks that you’re not comfortable with can create unnecessary stress. You need to clearly identify the most important tasks so you know what to concentrate on. Discuss with others to make sure you’ve considered everything, but take care not to be overly critical of their suggestions.
A plan can keep you grounded, but don’t be afraid to think outside the box sometimes. Try not to be too quick to reject ideas that seem unusual, change can be refreshing.
When you aren’t in a position to use all of your talents it is not always easy to hold interest, and you’re used to being able to achieve things just through your ability to stay on task. But sometimes that isn’t enough. Don’t overstretch when things are unfamiliar and make sure you give some time to indulging the things you really care about.
Energy
Mornings may not be your favorites time of day. They can be very hectic and it probably feels like you're always running late. Remember to take a moment to focus your energy, so that you're well prepared to face the day ahead.
When you talk about putting fuel in the tank, you mean it literally! Time in the kitchen coming up with great, nutritious meals – either for yourself or friends – is a really healthy way to top up your energy levels while exercising your brain and creative flair too.
Woulda Coulda Shoulda just isn’t in your vocabulary. You’ve learnt that if you want to feel great, you need to take the positive steps yourself. It’s all about valuing yourself enough to take the time to do what’s best for you and your body.
The real key is keeping your energy balanced – no sugar highs or caffeine crashes for you. It's all about having a twinkle in your eye and remembering to embrace every minute of the day.
Love
When you're in love, life somehow just seems easier to handle. Whatever challenges you face, you're in it together and that's all that matters.
The physical side of love is essential for you. There's nothing like feeling that strong, deep connection with another person to get your heart racing.
You've got a whole lot of love to give. You like to jump in feet first and lavish a partner with romantic gestures. You have strong instincts and a good understanding of who you are and what you want from life. You like to follow your dreams and believe in happy endings.
You are very expressive and like a relationship to be very open and honest without needing to hold back on showing your partner how much you love them. It’s all about immersing yourself in the fairy tale feelings of being in love. For you, it’s the little things that make being in love so special. A sunset stroll on a beach, holding hands at the movies, just feeling protected and cared for.
So, what tips can we give to you?
- You are naturally warm and trusting and enjoy sharing your love. You have a midas touch when it comes to setting the romantic tone, so do what you do best and express your inner romantic.
- Open your heart. Don’t overthink things or be too much of a perfectionist. The strongest connections are founded on spiritual intimacy.
- Remember it's the little things that count!
Money
Ultimately you have a very healthy approach to life. You know that true happiness doesn't come from material things or possessions. It goes much deeper than that and is all about valuing those things that you can't put a price on. You like to care for those around you and if they're happy, you're happy. You appreciate that both highs and lows make up the balance of life, and always try and stay spiritually strong and focused.
Every so often it's good to treat yourself to a shot of culture, whether you're watching from the front row or jumping in yourself.
You love to challenge yourself and experience something that's as far away from every day life as possible. Big adventures come with a big price tag, so it’s important to plan how you’re going to save all that money as well as how to spend it!
When things don't go right it can be all too easy to look inside for the cause, but it's much more useful to look for the solution. And the sooner you get back on track, the more stable and confident you’ll feel.
Fun
Sophisticated and inquisitive, you have a real passion for art and culture. You believe in immersing yourself in interesting experiences that make you look at people, places and opportunities from new angles. Being sensitive and creative, you want to feel connected to the world around you and actively seek out opportunities to explore it. It’s all about broadening your horizons and living life to the full. Anything else would not fulfill your curious nature.
You have a wonderfully vivid imagination, so the escapism of the silver screen is perfect for you. Whether it's the latest blockbuster or a quirky art house offering, you love a night at the movies.
Opportunities don’t sit there waiting for you every morning. You have to go out and find them. In fact they can be in some pretty unexpected places, so don’t get too set in your ways in case you miss them.
Whatever you do, it’s good to connect with like-minded people. It’s unlikely that the people who enjoy the same things as you live next door, but it is likely that they’ll be members of a club or website. Try reaching out online or signing up for a group activity. Who knows – maybe they do live next door after all.
Find the thing that drives you more than anything else and pursue that. And if your passion is short lived, then accept when it’s over and move on to something new. Your only obligation is to yourself.
At the end of the day, you're a true emotional spirit and you make really strong connections and friendships. Good buddies and lots of laughs are the recipe for happy days.
6:50 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
(0) comments